Thanksgiving again

Thank you so bloody much for picking on me.
Thanks for that first terrifying moment when I saw his different eyes and the world fell away.
Thanks for that cold, dislocated feeling when the doctor said the chromosome test confirms it.
Thanks for the anger and resentment.
Thanks a lot for picking on me.

Thanks for all the new words I’ve had to learn.
Thanks for the glory of meiotic nondisjunction events.
Thanks for the single palmar fold.
Thanks for trisomy, mosaicism, epicanthal folds, hypothyroid, hypotonia and arrhythmia.
Thanks for that extra wide gap between the big toe and the rest.
Thanks for a life that was complicated already, and now this?
Thanks for the unannounced bouts of embarrassment.
Thanks for pitying looks and well-meant overcompensation.

Thank you so much for picking on me.
Thanks for Significant Life-Threatening Events and Near Misses.
Thanks for beeping monitors and oxygen tubes and cluster care.
Thanks for apnoea and last Christmas, Lord.
Thanks for these fears for the future.
Thanks for this uncertainty of the present.
Thanks for red tape and robot-voiced bureaucracy.
Thanks for all those forms I love to fill.
Thank you indeed for picking on me.

But then thank you for January and that first smile.

Thank you for almost but not quite taking back the gift I didn’t know you’d given.
Thank you for that rush of blood that makes my heart thump louder.
Thank you for the knowledge that I will protect him with my every breath.
Thank you for the help, along some dark steps, from caring strangers more qualified than I.
Thank you for neighbours who don’t hesitate.
Thank you for trisomy and mosaicism and epicanthal folds.
Thanks for hypothyroid and hypotonia and arrhythmia.
Thanks for Significant Life-Threatening Events and Near Misses.
Thanks for beeping monitors and oxygen tubes and cluster care.
Thank you for the love that swells up inside to hurting when I look at him.
Thank you for each one of our wonderful, imperfect family.
Thank you for that very first smile.
Thank you for that very first smile.
Thank you for that very first smile.

Thank you for Jacob.

Thank you for picking me.

This is not a new post, as some of my older journey mates will notice. But a year or more in, I have changed in a lot of ways. I repost it now, and I’m mostly glad at just how plain ornery No. 3 has since become in the family mix. I look to the future (just a little bit at a time) and I hope it always stays so, but we’ll live in the future one day, so I’ll wait for that one day before drawing too many firm conclusions. Enjoy your day, wherever you are.
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24 comments on “Thanksgiving again

  1. Christine says:

    With that my friend, you have brilliantly hit the proverbial nail on the end.

    Sums it all up..not much more to say. Except..

    Just enjoy today.

  2. Elbog says:

    Thank you.
    P.S. That first hug’s gonna knock your socks clean off.
    I’m just saying.

  3. Mel says:

    Luke sends a big crinkly smile your way, and an even bigger one for Jacob. What could be more perfect than our boys?

  4. Suzie says:

    Thanks for sharing again! If you don’t mind I’m going to post on my page.

  5. Sarah says:

    This is Joyce. Well done. Just you wait for year two.

  6. Amen. You said it perfectly. Every day I look at The Love Magnet and thank God for sending her to me. BEfore she was born I prayed for wisdom. Now I pray for understanding of the lessons she teaches me on a daily basis.

  7. Sister Wolf says:

    Thank YOU, is all I can say. xo

  8. Emma Mc Ivor says:

    perfect timing nick ,once again you catch me on a funny ole day and make it better . and THANKS emma

  9. NAN P. says:

    I thank you too… for being there, on my screen, I needed this today for some reason…

  10. David Duff says:

    In their context Shakespeare intended these few simple words to be deeply ambiguous and ironic. However, I mean them exactly as they are written, and I am by nature something of a bitter, old cynic;

    “I was moved withal.”

    I wish you and yours well.

  11. Isn’t it amazing that those who haven’t experienced DS see it as a curse and those of who have see it as a blessing? Thanks for your words of wisdom.

    Rebecca
    http://www.downsyndromeassociation.org

  12. Cal says:

    I didn’t get to read this the first time around but wow…it brought me to tears and gave me chills first thing on a Monday morning.
    Others have already said this but I join them in thanking you…
    …for your honest in writing, your ability to laugh even with the tough stuff, and for sharing your Jacob and the rest of your family with all of us.

  13. enc says:

    Incredible.

  14. Adam's Mama says:

    Wow amazing thanks for this. How do manage to write things that go right through to my soul.

    Goosebumps and tears xx

  15. All I can say is “wow”!

    That is really beautiful honest writing. Tears in eyes by the end.

  16. Monica says:

    love it! Thank you for sharing~

  17. Heather says:

    I am the mum of a young man of 20 years who is severely mentally and physically disabled as the result of a brain haemorrhage at two weeks old.
    I find your blog very helpful.After 20 years it still hurts and I wish I could have had the comfort of the type of blogs like yours.Amazing.THANK YOU!

  18. Eloquent, humbling, inspiring. 🙂

  19. Nick McGivney says:

    Apologies all for the late thank yous and replies. Not as an excuse or anything, but the results of the test do confirm that I’m pretty useless. Sorree!

    Chris: Thank you. It felt and still feels true.

    Elbog: That hug is getting closer. I can feel it.

    Mel: There is nobody more perfect than Luke. Nobody.

    Suzie: Thank you for coming, and double thanks for sharing.

    Joyce @Sarah: I look forward to every minute of it. Thank you.

    Scarehaircare: Love the name, love the sentiment even more. Perfectly put, yourself!

    SW: We give and we take. And you rock.

    Emma: I am so glad you come to visit. And it’s wonderful to connect. xx

    Nan P: What I said to SW…

    David D: Erudition has been handed to me by someone wiser. I make no claim for it at all. But I’m pleased to little pride-filled pieces that you commented.

    Rebecca: I didn’t so much understand it as a curse, rather I never understood it at all. I feel like I was blind somehow and now, well, you know…

    Cal: you will always be a welcome guest. I’ll try not to make you cry! 🙂

    enc: You’re a treasure. Man does not live on fb alone. (Big hint there!)

    Adam’s Mama: It came out because it was real, but I’m really glad it got you and you it.

    Jennifer: Loved meeting you. Hope we do again soon. Thank you for the lovely words. He’s a lovely fella!

    Monica: You’re most welcome!

    Heather: Your comment has stumped me. I’m glad and sad, and I wonder if you’d consider blogging now? It is a nice place for an awful lot of things, and there’s the great potential of meeting and befriending people who share a great deal without knowing it. It’s possible, and not at all as complicated as it looks…

    HGF: From my heart I thank you. I must get my boots on and tramp over to you…

  20. […] July 2, 2009 Touching piece from Nick McGivney at blog Our Jacob: […]

  21. evertb says:

    And here’s me thinking you were just a cold-hearted cynical b*astard. Proven wrong in a very eloquent way.
    Well said man..

  22. Ria says:

    Found you through twitter. Great post! Thanks for sharing. I took the liberty of adding you to my blogroll. I hope that’s ok.

  23. 'Na' says:

    Thank you for making me cry today
    Thank you for always knowing the right things to say
    Thank you for showing me what matters
    Thank you for the past two years with the mad hatters….

    Happy Christmas
    xx

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